dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
