This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
