so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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