Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
