Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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