people are starting to question the shark bite story
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
