doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
