So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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