Will you blow on my dice?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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