You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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