and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
