it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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