insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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