I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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