I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
