i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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