he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
