I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh god it's open bar.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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