Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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