Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
