Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize