They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
