Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
