Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
