just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
