If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
