Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
