went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
