So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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