She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
