O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
