Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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