he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
