I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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