She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
