You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
