i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
