haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
