Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
