I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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