just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
