i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The power of my boobs compel you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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