I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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