I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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