remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
