nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
