yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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