i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
