We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
