Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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