so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
