Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize