We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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