if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My pussy is not your playground.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
