Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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