every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
