the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
