omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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