You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
