then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
