So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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