Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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