I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
