Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
