my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
