girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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