please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
