I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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