Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
