Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
