SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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