Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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